This past weekend my father passed away.I haven't seen or talked to the man in 24 years,we had a major blow out when I was 18 and I left and never looked back.He was a very overbearing man and I was,well,I was 18 and quite the A**hole in my own right.Both of us were also as stubborn as you could get so neither tried to get in touch with the other over the years.
When I left my father behind,I also left that side of my family behind including 2 brothers who were only kids when I left.
Saturday,I got a call from my one brother(who somehow got a hold of my phone number) to tell me the news and ask me to come to the wake on Tues. I told him I'd be there.
Last night I went.I was nervous as hell walking in,not knowing how that part of my family would react to me after all these years,as I got into the building,my step-mom ran up and gave me a huge hug and kept thanking me for coming and how she was so glad to see me.Then my brothers did the same,no longer the little kids I remembered,now they are both grown men with wives and kids of their own.
Not one person there made me feel anything but welcomed,that was like a gut punch punch from hell,I felt so damned stupid for staying away so long,I missed so much.
I don't hold any grudge toward my father,I let that go years ago,but the more years you go down the road,the easier it gets to make excuses not to go back,"oh I'll call him next year"or "there's plenty of time",Well you know what,there's not.
It's too late for me and my father,all I can do now is reconnect with the family I have left,to get to know my bothers and their families,I've got 5 nieces and nephews I've never seen(wow Christmas is going to get expensive :laugh::wink
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This for me is a very hard lesson,but it's one I will very much learn from.
Today is the funeral,my brothers ask me to be a pall bearer.My father,a Vietnam Vet,is getting buried with full military honors.I said yes,its the least I could do for the old man.
When I left my father behind,I also left that side of my family behind including 2 brothers who were only kids when I left.
Saturday,I got a call from my one brother(who somehow got a hold of my phone number) to tell me the news and ask me to come to the wake on Tues. I told him I'd be there.
Last night I went.I was nervous as hell walking in,not knowing how that part of my family would react to me after all these years,as I got into the building,my step-mom ran up and gave me a huge hug and kept thanking me for coming and how she was so glad to see me.Then my brothers did the same,no longer the little kids I remembered,now they are both grown men with wives and kids of their own.
Not one person there made me feel anything but welcomed,that was like a gut punch punch from hell,I felt so damned stupid for staying away so long,I missed so much.
I don't hold any grudge toward my father,I let that go years ago,but the more years you go down the road,the easier it gets to make excuses not to go back,"oh I'll call him next year"or "there's plenty of time",Well you know what,there's not.
It's too late for me and my father,all I can do now is reconnect with the family I have left,to get to know my bothers and their families,I've got 5 nieces and nephews I've never seen(wow Christmas is going to get expensive :laugh::wink
.This for me is a very hard lesson,but it's one I will very much learn from.
Today is the funeral,my brothers ask me to be a pall bearer.My father,a Vietnam Vet,is getting buried with full military honors.I said yes,its the least I could do for the old man.
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