at exactly 8pm december 21, 2019 i noticed a strange feeling in my chest. no pain, just an odd sensation
that i never felt before. i just finished a bowl of corn chexs and was getting ready to hit the sack. the sensation
persisted and was not going away. i told cindy that i am heading out to the ER at river hospital in alexandria bay,
a 25 minute ride. she is a nurse so her first reaction was to wash her hands. i grabbed my jacket and told her
that i am leaving without her if she doesnt get out the door immediately. my life was about to change.
the ride to the hospital was uneventful except to stop for me to throw up a few blocks from the hospital.
this is where memories becomes fogged. an IV was started and morphine coursed through me. i regained a
semblance of consciousness around 10:30pm. my neighbor Gerard was standing next to me and we had a
conversation about ice fishing, and other stuff. he disappeared, i asked cindy where did Gerard go?, she said
he was never there. at 4:30pm i found myself in a helicopter on the beginning of a 22 minute ride to st. josephs
hospital in syracuse , cindy worked at st' joes for 20+ years. i saw the lights of syracuse off in the distance as
we approached but another infusion of morphine dimmed everything.
the video monitor hanging from the ceiling displayed my internals, the guy said i wasn't a candidate for stents.
several guys in green scrubs and one in a suit were discussing something. they told me they wanted to wait to
after christmas to operate on me. the man in the suit told me he did this thousands of times and that he would
work on me as if i was his brother; and "he loved his brother".
my son, his girlfriend, my father in law, and some friends came to visit. i have no recollection of that. periodic
episodes of consciousness were dealt with with xanex, morphine, and blood pressure meds. meals were my only
relief from the drug induced stupor for the next five days. cindy sat with me day and night, i had no perception
of day or night or that she was there.
december 26. cindy was holding my hand. i could breath even though i had this structure down my throat. surgery
went well. they bypassed all three coronary arteries that were blocked by decades of accumulation of fats that
collected on the artery walls. my heart was outside of me for 6 hours while they fixed the abuse of 60 years.
"i'm here because i had a heart attack" i clearly remember tell myself every time i was conscious. the room was
always foggy, a curtain with light beaming around it edges covered one side of the room, the other side was dark.
a nurse appeared out of nowhere and my memory fades whenever she places a syringe in the IV port.
the doctor in the suit stops by smiling at me and says i am in good shape. he tells me to order lunch or dinner
and disappeared behind the curtain. oak island is on tv. guys digging holes. gold and treasure. the hamburgers
were like prime rib, the ice tea was soothing. the coffee was fit for a king. the nurses are angels.
january 2.the fog lessens. a PA who never introduced herself told me i was being discharged. a wheel chair appeared
and i was poured in it. cindy protested and wanted me to stay to tomorrow morning. there was some issue with people
showing up at the hospital with strange flu-like symptoms and i had to leave.
january 6. no fog. my chihuahua sleeps on my lap, i sleep in a lazyboy until mid february because i cannot lay down.
february 2. my first shower since i entered the hospital.
this is my best recollection of the beginnings of a long and painful journey. the loss of control over my life was
significant. the changes to my lifestyle were profound and immediate. my memories are fleeting with gaps in
time that i cannot account for.
take care of yourself.
phil
that i never felt before. i just finished a bowl of corn chexs and was getting ready to hit the sack. the sensation
persisted and was not going away. i told cindy that i am heading out to the ER at river hospital in alexandria bay,
a 25 minute ride. she is a nurse so her first reaction was to wash her hands. i grabbed my jacket and told her
that i am leaving without her if she doesnt get out the door immediately. my life was about to change.
the ride to the hospital was uneventful except to stop for me to throw up a few blocks from the hospital.
this is where memories becomes fogged. an IV was started and morphine coursed through me. i regained a
semblance of consciousness around 10:30pm. my neighbor Gerard was standing next to me and we had a
conversation about ice fishing, and other stuff. he disappeared, i asked cindy where did Gerard go?, she said
he was never there. at 4:30pm i found myself in a helicopter on the beginning of a 22 minute ride to st. josephs
hospital in syracuse , cindy worked at st' joes for 20+ years. i saw the lights of syracuse off in the distance as
we approached but another infusion of morphine dimmed everything.
the video monitor hanging from the ceiling displayed my internals, the guy said i wasn't a candidate for stents.
several guys in green scrubs and one in a suit were discussing something. they told me they wanted to wait to
after christmas to operate on me. the man in the suit told me he did this thousands of times and that he would
work on me as if i was his brother; and "he loved his brother".
my son, his girlfriend, my father in law, and some friends came to visit. i have no recollection of that. periodic
episodes of consciousness were dealt with with xanex, morphine, and blood pressure meds. meals were my only
relief from the drug induced stupor for the next five days. cindy sat with me day and night, i had no perception
of day or night or that she was there.
december 26. cindy was holding my hand. i could breath even though i had this structure down my throat. surgery
went well. they bypassed all three coronary arteries that were blocked by decades of accumulation of fats that
collected on the artery walls. my heart was outside of me for 6 hours while they fixed the abuse of 60 years.
"i'm here because i had a heart attack" i clearly remember tell myself every time i was conscious. the room was
always foggy, a curtain with light beaming around it edges covered one side of the room, the other side was dark.
a nurse appeared out of nowhere and my memory fades whenever she places a syringe in the IV port.
the doctor in the suit stops by smiling at me and says i am in good shape. he tells me to order lunch or dinner
and disappeared behind the curtain. oak island is on tv. guys digging holes. gold and treasure. the hamburgers
were like prime rib, the ice tea was soothing. the coffee was fit for a king. the nurses are angels.
january 2.the fog lessens. a PA who never introduced herself told me i was being discharged. a wheel chair appeared
and i was poured in it. cindy protested and wanted me to stay to tomorrow morning. there was some issue with people
showing up at the hospital with strange flu-like symptoms and i had to leave.
january 6. no fog. my chihuahua sleeps on my lap, i sleep in a lazyboy until mid february because i cannot lay down.
february 2. my first shower since i entered the hospital.
this is my best recollection of the beginnings of a long and painful journey. the loss of control over my life was
significant. the changes to my lifestyle were profound and immediate. my memories are fleeting with gaps in
time that i cannot account for.
take care of yourself.
phil